UPDATE.

So here I am. Still alive. Still breathing. Here's what's been going on...some good and bad...I feel lately, the bad has outweighed the good. Which really scared me.

-School: New. Makeing friends is so much harder than I thought it would be. I am a very outgoing person, don't have any problem talking to people. It's just I feel I am growing more and more impatient as the days, and weekends go by and I am not growing closer to the people at school.

-Cheer: Tryed out. Did okay sometimes during clinic, sometimes not so well. I feel like I should have took the inititive to practice a lot more b4 to be a lot safer. Got to tryouts, 4got the tryout cheer in front of the judges. Did my best to keep smileing, but you can't make up the points for forgetting the whole cheer. Didn't make it. Very dissapointed in myself.

-Soccer: Going alright. Not as much playing time as I would like. Although my team is big, I feel I am one of the stronger players and should be moveing up like the coaches told me I would be at the beggining of the season. Frustrated thats not happening. Do I need to push more? Probably.

-ED: Body image:: Scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst it could be, 6 these past few weeks. I exercise everyday, but I feel like my body needs its norishment so I'm giveing it that, and the ED voice is talking back. I know I haven't gained weight, and I should know better than to hear that ED voice, but its always hard for me through these rougher times.


Lately, thats been it. I guess any kind of upbringing words would help at this point. I'm kind of just ranting.

much love always.

Quick Hey<3

hey everybody :]
i
hope that you all are doing alright.

its been busy for me! iv been going from school, to soccer tryouts, to homework, to hangouts with friends somedays on weekends, to remembering to fuel my body, and dealing with the discovery of new muscles, and ect. so for me overall, iv just been very busy!
i just had spring break--didnt go anywhere exotic :[[ so it wasnt too exciting, but i guess it was relaxing and i pretty much just chilled here in my hometown. im still seeing my ED therapist who also helps me with everyday struggles once a week, aswell as i am in a group with other teens.
i have cheerleading tryouts in 3 weeks, and have been working on stretches, jumps, and my toetouches, trying to get those to where they are good enough for tryouts.
that pretty much sums up my last almost month! i just wanted to do a quick check in with you guys.

Breathe<3

Its been a few days since my last post. Lately, i've been busy getting used to my new school, soccer workouts, cheer and such. Its hard i'll admit. I mean, I'm a very social person naturally, but I don't consider myself "friends" with anyone from the new school yet. I think it'll take more than a week to develope a real friendship. I mean, i've had offers to hang, and stuff, but its just i'm still getting used to the new school and everything. There's still a lot of people and faces that I don't recognnize, and I'm sure it'll be like that for awhile. Other than that stuff, I've been a little unsure of my body. Just because of all the workouts and stuff. I'm starting to develope a lot of new muscle too that I'm not used to haveing in certain places now and i dont know if I like it or not yet. I guess its just insecurity right now. And now im just ranting... :].

I hope everyone has a good weekend.


much love always.

xo Lisa Marie

Ahh Boys x3

So, a guy I was really close to decided that our relationship was only physical, and he was too tempted when he was around me and whatnot, so he feels its best to just stop talking. period. and like, we've been close for like, a couple months now, like everyday, whats wrong with this picture?


"Never let a boy build you up with words because the higher your up the harder you fall, and you will fall".

Toetouches<3

I can't get them down, and I'm killing myself over them its driving me crazy.

New School<3

So, I started my new school today. It was good...I mean, It was just...weird not knowing faces, and I guess now I was just used to knowing everybody, or at least everybody knowing me. Obviously its going to take time, and I know eventually, I'll get to know everybody in my grade. It's just...I just have to be patience. I just feel like i've been patient waiting to get back into school, and I just want things to fall into place now again, differently, but soon.


much love always.


<3, Lisa Marie xo

Hope<3

Take a deep breath. There is hope in recovery. We can do this. Anyone struggling with any type of eating disorder... or any type of disorder at all... recovery IS possible. NEVER say NEVER. Because once you tell yourself that, you start believeing that, and that's not going to help yourself or anyone around you. Always know, that there is never a time when you are not loved, and that there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I myself have only seen the dimness of it.

much love always.


<3, Lisa Marie xo

Just another one of Those Days<3

So i'm haveing one of those days, where I just don't feel secure in the skin im in now. I just feel really insecure, and I feel like I don't want to share my feelings because i'll have to get into why i'm feeling insecure, and I just don't feel like talking about myself that much. Its just really frustrating. I think its because I don't really have anyone I can talk to in my house. I mean, I have a very supportive family, but its just really hard for them to understand what i'm going through sometimes now, which I totally get. Its just, when i'm haveing these types of days, what I really need to work on is how to get through, because I know during this long road to recovery, i'm going to have a lot of these days, because i've had a lot of them already, and gotten through them, I just need to work on ways that will really help me get through, and not dwell on what im insecure about that day.

much love always.

<3, Lisa Marie xo

Another Fresh Start<3

So I am getting another fresh start. I am entering a new school within the next few weeks, and although I am nervous about this, I think my excitement out weighs all my other feelings. I just hope everything works out how I hope it will, and that i'll be happy where I go. Just wanted to do a quick post. Nothing else new, keeping it all simple ;].

much love always.

<3,>

All the Single Ladies<3

Okay, so I am so frustrated with myself. It is soo hard for me to let people in, especially guys now. I know the reason is mostly because of what I went through in my past with sexual harrassment, from people who I thought I could trust, and I feel like for me its like, letting guys in is just so scary! And the part thats soo frustrating is that, the ones I have the hardest time of all letting in, are the ones I really have feelings for! I know this is because I'm afraid I'll be hurt like I was before, but its like...how do I get through this?! There is a way, but its like...I need my heart to heal so I don't lose the people I want in my life! I don't know...I guess I'm just ranting now...

Bestfriends.Boyfriends.and Relationships.<3

So, i've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between bestfriends, boyfriends, and relationships. There is a big difference between all of them. That's for sure. I was watching "The Tyra Show" yesterday, and had this girl on there who was a "boyfriendaholic". I had never heard of that expression before, but once it was explained as someone who was always in need of a male figure in their life to be sort of a "rock" for them to lean on and depend on to reassure them that they're good-looking, and ect. I just looked into this girl's eyes, and thought wow, she is so beautiful...but I could see how insecure she really was deep down inside just by looking into her eyes. I realize how many friends I have now that are that same way..."boyfriendaholics". I wouldn't call myself that, because I feel like I depend on other things to reassure myself that I'm beautiful, and ect. which I will admit, I am still working on, because I feel as if nobody should need anyone to tell them that they're beautiful, and nobody should rely on their relationships to remind them that they're worth something. It takes a lot of soul searching to really find that inner strength to do that, and I am still working on that. I have yet to meet somebody now who is THAT secure with themselves that they don't care what anyone else thinks.

Remember, "It always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun."

--but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel-- and in order to find that light, you have to keep walking, even if it is at a slower pace than you would like it to be.

much love.

<3,Lisa Marie xo

Nutrition Facts For the Soul<3

I feel as if i've been searching for something for so long, like a hunger for something that I couldn't eat, and everytime I would search to find that something I was hungry for..I wouldn't be hungry anymore. I think thats how it all started. My life with anorexia. I know that I will not be with anorexia the rest of my life time, and that is what comforts me. For I know, that anorexia only makes you LESS beautiful, and leaves an emptiness in your heart that nothing can fill..well, nothing...until you truely recover, can fill. Recovery takes time, and time heals everything.

"I got used to the tread-mill love, where no matter how fast you run, your stuck at the starting point, only exhausted." -Maria Mena.



Time heals, and sometimes, time is the hardest thing you'll ever go through in your life.

Your Beautiful<3

hey everybody. so first off I just wanted to share a little bit about myself. I am a 15 year old girl with a lot of experiences, and a lot of things to share and give to others. I feel as if everything i've been through has definitely made me a stronger person, but there are still many times where I need help, and need a "safe" place to let out my feelings and share with others. I have dealt a lot over the past year and a half now with weight, and body image, dealing with an eating disorder. Let me tell you, for anyone out there..I feel very strongly about recovery, and about the fact that eating disorders are deinitely not at all glamorous, and during the time before you take that step into recovery..they only make you LESS beautiful.

much love to all, always.